shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
