That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
