and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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