Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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