i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
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Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
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New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.