Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him