I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This Girlâ€™s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you had me at cake vodka
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.