I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
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My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.