You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He shit in the fireplace
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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