he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
