Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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