who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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