I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
