I skipped work to stalk him.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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