Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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