I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
