Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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