Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
