i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
