I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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