just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
