in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize