My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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