If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
