I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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