He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Shame - the story of my life.
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