If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
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tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
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He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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