So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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