I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
