Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
