if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize