You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
