Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
