We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
