I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
