see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
did you just send me my own nude
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
