My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
