you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
