I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
