whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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