It's like God shit irony all over that family
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
