We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
