dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
