I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
