Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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