dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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