plz talk dirty to me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
