its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
