i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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