wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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