whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
