just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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