My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
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I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
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My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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