Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
