I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
