based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
