Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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