craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
