In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
