she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
