Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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