Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
