I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
